If you’ve recently purchased a new or used car, you might start scouring Amazon for any relevant accessories. Well, while it can certainly be amusing looking through all of the amenities that are actually useful and worthwhile, it’s even more amusing to poke fun at the accessories that you should never be caught buying.
Below, we’ve providing a list of our seven least-favorite car accessories that are currently available on Amazon (we’ve even provided links in case you’ve hit your head and decided to opt for one of these products). Sure, your time might be better spent looking up the best available truck bed liner… but you should also take a brief break and explore the amenities that should be avoiding altogether…
Bad Product #1: Steering Wheel Work Tray
Have you ever been driving down a road and thought to yourself, “Gee, I could really use a tray right now.” You probably haven’t, which is why the AutoExec Wheelmate Steering Wheel Attachable Work Surface Tray may be the worst car accessory in the industry. The part is intended to easily connect to your steering wheel, providing the driver with a place where they can secure a laptop, eat a sandwich, or even (gulp!) change a baby’s diaper.
This amenity probably isn’t supposed to be used when the vehicle is in operation, although the Amazon description doesn’t mention if that’s the case. Plus, the top frequently asked question (“What’s the average number of fatalities per user?”) suggests that customers aren’t necessarily being safe when using this tray. Ultimately, we’d say you’re better off pulling over at a coffee shop and relying on one of their tables.
Bad Product #2: Bullet Hole Stickers
Some drivers are intent on impressing their fellow road mates, whether it be via fancy wheels or some other exterior features. Others are fine settling with a pack of five-dollar bullet hole stickers from Amazon. The decals are neither convincing nor realistic, and in the event that someone actually does mistake the stickers for real bullet holes, they’re presumably stupid enough to fire real bullet holes at your car’s exterior.
Alternatively, you could use the sticker holes as some kind of sick prank, as one Amazon reviewer cleverly did:
“Great fun to place on a friends car. Very realistic looking even close up. For added fun I placed a “bullet hole” where the engine was and then got some red jello, added water, and poured it under the engine compartment as if the engine was leaking fluids.My friend saw the “bullet holes” along the length of the car, walked up to look at the holes, and then went down on his hands and knees to see where the leak was.Joke over when he got so close that the smell of the strawberry jello gave the prank up.”
Haha! So funny, right? There’s nothing better than spending money on a sophomoric trick that forces your friend to bend over and check under their car!
Bad Product #3: Door Edge Guard
Before we begin lamenting this product, let’s look at the main use for the Car Clear Door Edge Trim Guard Molding All Models D.I.Y. Kit:
“The Door Guard will prevent paint chipping if your door hits another car or wall. Or you can hide existing paint chips.”
So, to review, this feature is in place to protect your car’s exterior from you being an idiot and accidentally smashing your door into a brick wall or another car. Instead of purchasing this product for 20 dollars, you could talk to your doctor about some type of ADHD medication. If you can’t help yourself from accidentally banging your door into a stationary object, there’s probably nothing that can actually help you.
Bad Product #4: Family Stickers
We’ve already mentioned bumper stickers once in this article, but this offering is too egregious to ignore. You’ve surely seen these family-centric stickers included on other commuter’s vehicles; they’re a collection of stick figure decals that represent your number of family members. Unfortunately, those who purchase these stickers (including The Stickersons: Family Car Stickers Decal Kit) are forgetting one major thing: no one cares. Absolutely no one! In fact, when a vehicle with those stickers cuts me off, I begin to curse every individual member of the family under my breath (ordinarily, I’d only blast the driver). If you don’t want a fellow driver to be speaking poorly about your young child or puppy, then you should probably avoid these stickers.
Bad Product #5: Fluffy Dice
I have an unfortunate update for those who have considered purchasing this car accessory: the 90s are over and the Fresh Prince is now a failed actor. The fluffy dice hanging off your rearview mirror are out of style, and this accessory has since been replaced by the bobble-hula girl that sits on your dashboard.
Bad Product #6: Cup Holder
Wait a second… most cars dating back to the 1960s are equipped with cup holders. This “feature” is now so common, few car brands mention it in their list of accompanying accessories. So why would a customer truly want to install an additional five dollar cup holder to their vehicle? I’ve yet to come up with an answer. In fact, if you’ve found that the two cup holders that are usually included in a vehicle’s cabin aren’t enough, you might want to reevaluate your beverage consumption.
Bad Product #7: Soft Hitch Guard
Have you ever banged your leg on your truck’s ball mount? You probably haven’t, but in the event that you’re looking to prevent a temporary (and unlikely) pain, you can opt for the Heininger HitchMate Soft Hitch Guard. This 12-dollar accessory is solely offered to help prevent drivers from accidentally banging their knee into a hitch and having to deal with the pain for 10 seconds. That’s literally all the hitch guard provides, yet customers continually seem to opt for the product, although they lament the fact that the foam material easily tears.