When looking for a kid transporter, nothing does it better than the 2016 Dodge Grand Caravan for sale. So listen up soccer moms, and listen good because this van is about to become your new best friend. Non-soccer Moms, you’ll still want to tune in. Why? Because with the power and efficiency under the hood, this thing is the Hellcat of minivans. Hey, who ever said vans had to be solely a soccer-mom/chick-thing, anyway? Have your buddies pile in, crank that soul-crushing Heavy Metal album you all love, and soar down the highway to a concert. The amount of confused looks I got in college when driving through campus in my old van was priceless…
Now that I’m done digressing down memory lane, let’s get back on track. The power and efficiency of the new Grand Caravan will be loved by both the family man or woman and single buyers alike, and the spacious seating is great for transporting the team to the game. Dodge even made sure to install a few convenience features for you, so you won’t lose your mind during soccer season.
The Hellcat of Minivans
Okay, so while the “Hellcat of Minivans” might be a slight exaggeration, the engine is still stronger than most other minivans on the market. But, could you imagine a minivan with an engine that puts out 707 horsepower? That would be brutal. Actually, the “my-little pony power” put out by this engine lands it best-in-class horsepower and torque; the 3.6-liter Pentastar V6 producing 283 and 260, respectively. While it’s not 707 horsepower, it feels like it compare to the other minivans out there — because when was the last time you heard of a minivan putting out close to 300 horsepower and torque? The Variable Valve Timing (VVT) technology equipped on this engine certainly helps. By fine-tuning the intake and exhaust valve timing, the combustion process is refined, enhanced, and now requires less fuel while simultaneously delivering more power.
All that means the VVT is also why the Grand Caravan not only has more power than the sugar-high, orange-stuffed, cleat-clad kids you are carting to the soccer game — but also why it returns some great fuel mileage. With up to 17 mpg city, your bank account will breathe a sigh of relief during the seemingly endless amount of stop-and-go travel when picking up the neighborhood kids. During the home-stretch to the game, the potential 25 mpg highway will make sure that no matter how fast you are driving to get the manic kids out of your hair and onto the field, you won’t need to pay for it at the pump on the way home.
A stronger and more hyped-up engine than the gremlins you are transporting, with decent fuel-efficiency to boot? Sounds like a winning combination for someone who needs to get that screaming car ride over as quickly as possible. Go get ‘em, Coach…
Plenty of Seating and Comfort for the Team
On the way back from the game, things should be better. The monsters will be out of energy and tired, and you’ll want to take advantage of that. After the game, you want to make sure you have a vehicle that’s spacious and comfortable. That way, when they inevitably fall asleep, they stay asleep. Thankfully, with seating for seven there is plenty of space for them to all stretch out and nap — and nap they shall. Dodge understands your struggle, soccer moms, so they made sure to craft comfortable seats from premium materials. They are durable to withstand even the most angry temper tantrums, and easy to clean when they despairingly drop and grind their bonbons — or whatever it is kids snack on nowadays — into the freakin’ seats. Whether you choose cloth or leather trim, you’ll be getting seats that are comfortably cushioned, properly contoured, and made with quality in mind.
Fearlessly pile the kids in after the game, Coach, and know that salvation is just around the corner because when you see them settle into the hugging embrace of the seats, they’ll be out like a light shortly thereafter.
They Didn’t Forget About the MVP
Don’t worry, they didn’t forget about you, Champ! For those chilly mornings, a heated steering wheel is available to keep your hands nice and toasty, and Dodge added plenty of other convenience features to aid you in your soccer mom conquest. I know for a fact you’ll appreciate the super console, which gives you easy access to a larger-than average storage area and two 12-volt power outlets. The outlets are especially helpful, since they can be used for keeping your phone and taser charged — the latter of which to be used when the sugar-high starts to reach dangerous levels — while still having room to store quick snacks, bandages, ointment, and any other soccer mom things you might need.
Dodge even installed a pop-down observation mirror for you, which is probably the most helpful feature found inside the 2016 Grand Caravan. Why? Because you can see the entirety of the cabin with a quick shift of your eyes. You can make sure the kids aren’t choking on their Fruit Loops, and also give them the death-glare-of-fiery-doom when they get too cranked up. That way, the seething flames of anger are not pointed directly at them. Instead, you can keep your hands gripped firmly on the wheel, your body facing the road and then just shout at the windshield while staring into the mirror, which creates a safer environment for everyone.
Bring on the hellfire and brimstone that is also known as a youth soccer team because the Grand Caravan has what you need to stay sane. Available LED light bars can keep the cabin illuminated, Uconnect with SiriusXM satellite radio is there to drown out the sound of the kids, and there is wireless phone integration via BlueTooth that can be used for calling in backup hands-free when they overthrow you, or GPS technology for finding the field. I know what you are thinking, and yes, the GPS does in fact work in the ninth-circle of Hell.
Come Hell or Sugar-High Children
Come Hell or sugar-high children (essentially one and the same), the new Dodge Grand Caravan is there to help you through it all. The powerful and efficient engine makes sure that you can efficiently and quickly get the kids out of the van as fast as possible, and its comfortable and spacious seating will ensure you get some peace and quiet on the ride home. Finally, the convenience features, like the observation mirror and super-sized center console, give you a shred of control and order you can cling to teary-eyed as you wait for the suffering to end.
So go ahead, Coach. Strike deep into the heart of soccer season and let the 2016 Dodge Grand Caravan be your sword and shield during this perilous quest.